And since the last time we corresponded…
You thought I’d been relaxing didn’t you? 🤭
I’m going to slap you with an imaginary wet salmon around your head for thinking that🐟. A big heavy one from Sainsbury Taste the Difference range, just for thinking it.
Clare had another round of seizures and emergency medication. No hospital thankfully, but it of course came within the same 24 hour period my Mum fell out of bed and hit her head. She’s now back under the hospital for having the balance of a new born baby giraffe.
I sold these oil lamps my Mum had that were pretty fancy, to go towards her care costs until her house sells (Every little helps – I know we switched from a Sainsbury slogan to a Tesco one but these care homes are fu*king expensive and soon I’ll be living off the mice my cat brings me. Either that or I’ll set up a ‘Go Fund My Mother’ fund raising page. Which sounds like a really nice way to tell people to ‘fuck off.’)
“Go Fund my Mother!”
Anyway, despite the lamps (having been sold whilst I was ‘on holiday(!)’) getting wrapped and labelled in a way that one might wrap a very unreliable hand grenade which has been sellotaped to your favourite kitten, somewhere along the lines the delivery company still managed to damage them in such that they look like they were dropped from an aeroplane into Whipsnade zoo’s elephant enclosure, where the elephants clumsily used them as bongs, got high, fell on them (because they were stoned) laughed their massive heads off and then personally delivered them to the poor eBay buyer, who now thinks I’m a con artist trying to sell dodgy antique oil lamps.
I’m not a con artist trying to sell dodgy lamps, I just got done over by a clumsy delivery driver and some elephants who have a drug problem.
So here’s where I’m at;
I am coming home tomorrow, probably in a lesser relaxed state than I was in when I left. But the really important thing to note is that yesterday I punched a wasp.
I mentioned it on facebook yesterday but I don’t think I got adequate praise for it so I’m mentioning it again. 🐝
*no animals were harmed in the creation of this post. Except the wasp but they don’t count because they’re basically the nazis of the insect world.